(seen above: Toronto Raptors Amir Johnson is brutally attacked by a Chirs Kaman)
What should you do when confronted with a Chris Kaman?
- Stay Calm.
- Assess the situation. Is there a basketball net you can climb up?
- Do Not Run. You can't outrun Chris Kaman, so don't bother
- Try to retreat slowly. Have you seen Family Guy? Pull a Peter Griffin and tip toe backwards slowly.
- Climb a basketball net if available. Go to the nearest net and climb up to the top of the rim and wait until Chris Kaman leaves the building.
- If Chris Kaman charges you. Get out your pepper spray and spray the Chris Kaman directly in the eyes.