How to Avoid a Chris Kaman Attack

(seen above: Toronto Raptors Amir Johnson is brutally attacked by a Chirs Kaman)

The Chris Kaman of species losangelescenteris is native of the Los Angeles area but is also known to travel to other areas of Norh America.  The Chris Kaman is an unpredictable species of NBA player and is known to attack. 


What should you do when confronted with a Chris Kaman?

• Stay Calm.
• Assess the situation. Is there a basketball net you can climb up?
• Do Not Run.  You can't outrun Chris Kaman, so don't bother
• Try to retreat slowly.  Have you seen Family Guy?  Pull a Peter Griffin and tip toe backwards slowly.
• Climb a basketball net if available.  Go to the nearest net and climb up to the top of the rim and wait until Chris Kaman leaves the building.
• If Chris Kaman charges you.  Get out your pepper spray and spray the Chris Kaman directly in the eyes.